


A Loser’s Vow

by shikamarubase



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I just like making Kuroo feel hurt, I swear this is implied KuroKen if you squint hard enough, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, Kozume Kenma is a Good Friend, M/M, POV Kuroo Tetsurou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:09:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27613283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shikamarubase/pseuds/shikamarubase
Summary: In hindsight, pretending they were fine was much easier to do than admitting they had lost.In which Kuroo pretends he’s okay and Kenma sees right through him.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 12
Kudos: 38





	A Loser’s Vow

In hindsight, pretending they were fine was much easier to do than admitting they had lost. 

After congratulating Fukurodani on their win against Matsuyama Nishisou, the Nekoma team quietly retreated from the dazzling light of center court and back into the dingy corridor shrouded in darkness. 

Kuroo Tetsurou didn’t need to look around to know that the strained upward turn of lips they’d been carrying around like a shield fell the second they were away from the public’s eye. It was almost amusing how quickly the mood shifted—high-strung laughter dissolved into quiet chatter as they shuffled along the hallway with slumped shoulders. Negative energy manifested around them like thunder clouds before a storm. If it had been raining, Kuroo would’ve undoubtedly been drenched in a torrential stream of disappointment. 

Silence was palpable, tension so thick they could cut it with a knife. With each player carrying a heavy feeling in their chests, the Nekoma team trudged on. By the time they reached the privacy of their locker room, the fragile pretense they had on relaxed and crumbled all at once. 

The cramped space turned into a sea of frowns and swollen eyes from near victory. None of the loud players displayed their usual zeal and bravado; Yamamoto was unusually quiet, jaw set and mouth pursed into a thin line as he slipped a clean shirt over his head. Yaku’s face crumpled into a deep frown as he stealthily paced back and forth his own area. Tears still stained Lev’s cheeks as he sat at the corner of the room, curled into a small ball despite his height, probably regretting all the bad plays he made during the game.

Kuroo had expected this. Hell, he would’ve been shocked if everyone took the lost in stride. Even he wanted to take a moment to bury his head in the darkness of the lockers, to squeeze his eyes shut and bite down hard on his lips in subdued frustration, not caring if it drew blood. 

But now wasn’t the time to be vulnerable. If the captain shows weakness, no one else would be there to pick up the pieces of their team’s honor. So Kuroo ignored the incessant tremor in his chest and cleared his throat instead. 

“Guys,” he started out strong before trailing off. 

His teammates were counting on him to boost their confidence back up, but was there really anything he could say to improve their mood? It was a very close game against Karasuno, a destined match between rivaling teams. Out on the court, it was easy to keep their emotions in check as they congratulated them on the win. Karasuno put up a brave fight and persevered even in the face of Kenma’s brilliant strategy. It was the best match they’ve had on the court, but the experience would’ve been so much sweeter if they had won the battle of endurance. 

It was no one’s fault—just foul luck and an intensively long relay that made the ball slip from Kenma’s fingers and fall to the ground. No one could’ve gotten it and they _knew_ that. They accepted it. But judging from the state of their appearance now, it was clear that not a single one showed up on court that day just to lose, himself included. 

All of a sudden, Kuroo knew what needed to be said. He straightened his back and addressed his team again, “We played our 110% out there and put up a great fight. There’s nothing shameful about losing to a strong team. But if we let that get us down forever, we’ll really be nothing but losers.” A few players visibly flinched, revelation dawning in their eyes as they listened to their leader speak. 

“We’re not defined by which matches we’ve won or lost, but in our ability to connect until the very end. We did everything we possibly could, so when we go back out there, I want all of us to raise our chins up proudly and show everyone the pride of The Cats!” 

His words reverberated around the still room, before Yamamoto tackled him into a fierce hug, bawling into his shoulder like a baby.

“Well said, Captain.” Kuroo’s mouth twisted upwards at the thumbs-up Yaku sent him. His face was no longer pinched into a frown and the look in his eyes had cleared. Kuroo knew him well enough to know their game against Karasuno was already placed on the backburner, his gaze already focused on what lay ahead of him. 

Kai clapped him on his other shoulder. No words needed to be said as he flashed him an approving smile. 

Even Lev had unfurled from his toddler’s position and stood back up, his commanding height towering over the rest of them, jaw clenched in silent determination. Kuroo wasn’t too worried about him. Although Lev was still wet behind the ears, he had two more years to prove himself. Today’s loss wasn’t the end for him, it was only the beginning. 

A lump formed in his throat at the thought. He couldn’t say the same for himself. 

“Alright, enough moping. Let’s get outta here and support Karasuno!” Yaku raised his arm and yelled. He burst back into the hallway, and with one spirited cheer, the rest of the team trailed after him. The thin walls vibrated from the noise they were making outside, and Kuroo winced from the thought of getting scolded later for the disturbance. 

Kai lingered, shooting an expectant glance over his shoulders. “Kuroo? Are you coming?” 

For a moment, Kuroo was still. If he went with them now, he wouldn’t be left alone with his own thoughts for at least a few more hours. He could forget himself for a while, and leave all the extra emotional baggage in this locker room. But on the other hand, being around so many people made him feel like the air is being sucked out of his lungs. He craved for personal space, for a chance to reflect in solitude. 

Before he could make up his mind, a small voice piped up from behind him, “Kuroo’s staying here with me.” 

With a start, Kuroo realized his childhood friend was still lurking around the room. Kenma held a half-empty water bottle in one hand and a bunch of bananas in another. He had already changed out of his jersey and into his Nekoma jacket, but his shoulder-length hair was still drenched in sweat and stuck to his neck like tendrils. 

“I want to rest a bit longer,” Kenma deadpanned, the rings under his eyes indicating how exhausted he still was from the match. “Kuroo and I can just go together in a bit.” 

Finally, with one hand on the door handle, Kai nodded. “I’ll see both of you there, then.” 

“Make sure they don’t get too wild out there!” Kuroo called out as the door swung shut, leaving him alone with Kenma. He released a huge sigh of relief. He didn’t mind being in the company of his best and oldest friend. They’d been together for years and Kenma was the only person he’d ever opened up to regarding any problems and inner turmoil. From his timid nature in grade school up until his fear of the future now, Kenma knew every part of him like the back of his hand. 

Kuroo stole a quick glance at him and, sure enough, his sharp eyes were already piercing through him, almost as if he was looking into his very soul. Kuroo nervously dug his teeth into his bottom lip. Did Kenma realize he was hiding something? Was that why he made him stay? With unanswered questions rattling through his mind, he reached for his duffel bag and pulled out an extra shirt and his own Nekoma jacket, changing out of his damp clothes. 

“What’s wrong, Kenma? That’s an intense look you have there. I might get the wrong idea.” Kuroo winked. 

“Don’t be dumb,” Kenma spat back curtly with a roll of his eyes.

Kuroo chuckled and turned his back to him. “That was a good match, huh? Sucks that we lost, but at least we played with no regrets,” he said to fill the silence. 

Even though he was facing the opposite direction, he could feel Kenma sizing him up from behind, undoubtedly studying him like he would a video game.

“I guess...we all leveled up, at least,” Kenma replied softly. “But you’re not satisfied, are you?” 

Kuroo’s shoulders stiffened and then a hollow laugh left his lips. There was no point in trying to hide anything from him. “You’re as sharp as ever. Do you think anyone else noticed?” 

Kenma shrugged and shoved another banana into his mouth. “Maybe Kai. The others were probably too wrapped around their own heads to notice.” 

Kuroo wasn’t surprised. Not only was Kai often the mediator between his raucous fights with Yaku, he had always been observant. Maybe only second to Kenma on the team. 

“I’m pathetic, huh.” 

Kenma narrowed his eyes, “What are you talking about?” 

Kuroo let himself slump back against the lockers and tilted his head up, a melancholic smile flitting over his lips. “That pep talk. I was all gung-ho, telling everyone not to let our defeat to Karasuno get them down, but I’m the one who can’t get over it. The only thing keeping my eyes dry now is the fear they’ll see me as a hypocrite.” 

He was weary from his effort to appear as a perfect captain, when he was anything but. All his worries, anxiety, and insecurities were locked up so tightly in his chest, sometimes he could even fool himself into thinking he was doing alright. But in reality, he was terrified of the day his teammates will realize that the confident exterior he always put up was just that—an exterior, a cloak of lies to shield himself from the harsh realities of life. 

Kenma’s brows drew together in thought. “Aren’t you thinking way too much about this?” 

He shuffled around and appeared right under Kuroo’s nose, slanted eyes peering up at him pointedly, so close his heart rate picked up. “You’re our Captain, so it’s only natural that you’ll try to boost our morale after what happened. But you were also one of the six main players on the court and fought with the rest of us until it was over. So don’t you think the team will cut you some slack for being upset? Although it’s out of character...” 

“Out of character? Aren’t you being way too harsh—“ 

“Anyway,” Kenma waved his hand dismissively, “my point is, as long as you follow your own advice and proudly raise your chin outside, no one will hold it against you if you brood in private. I’m not really an expert on this but, there’s no merit in being perfect all the time,” He made a face at the thought. “‘cause isn’t that just exhausting? I’d hate it.” 

Kuroo managed to stifle a stupefied laugh from bursting out of his mouth. He didn’t know what shocked him more—Kenma talking so much or the realization that his words made the weight in his heart lighter than it was moments before. When the roaring monster of self-doubt threatened to consume him, it was Kenma who’d tug him away from being mauled into tiny pieces every single time. 

A genuine smile blossomed from his lips. “You’re right. And considering it was my last match in high school, I suppose I didn’t do so bad.” 

Now that it seemed as though Kuroo had broken away from whatever was bothering him, Kenma lowered his gaze back down to the floor. “It’s not the end of the world if you didn’t do well. You’re still gonna play in college anyway.” 

His mouth twitched. Somehow his best friend was able to hit the bullseye on the only other topic he’d been avoiding. “I’m not so sure about that. I haven’t even decided on which program to major in yet.” 

Kenma’s face scrunched up into an expression that screamed, _‘How irresponsible’_. 

“Hey! Don’t give me that look. You know I’ve been busy with volleyball!” Kuroo whined. 

But Kenma’s expression didn’t change. “Too busy to think of your future?” He said it so matter-of-factly, it made Kuroo want to bang his head against the wall. He hated it when Kenma was right. 

“Okay, fine. You got me. I have absolutely no clue what I want.” His shoulders sagged as he buried his face in his hands. 

“Why not go pro?” Kenma asked quizzically. “I think your level as a middle blocker is high enough. Though, I think it’ll be a waste not to go to college with your brains.”

“K-Kenma, are you actually complimenting me right now?” Kuroo attempted to pull him into a hug in a flurry of emotions, but his sharp glare stopped him cold. 

“Shut up, or I won’t help you.” He wrinkled his nose, as if the idea of complimenting Kuroo repulsed him. 

Kuroo put a hand over his chest. “You wound me, but go on.” 

A crease appeared on Kenma’s forehead as he explained, “I’m not your career adviser, but you’re smart. You‘ll probably do well anywhere. But somehow, I can’t see you not associated with volleyball.” 

Kuroo considered this for a moment. He wouldn’t say it would be impossible for him to become a pro volleyball player. He wasn’t modest enough not to admit he had the height and the skills to pull it off, but somehow he couldn’t quite put together the image in his head. But considering this advice came from Kenma, probably the only other person who knew him better than himself, he figured he was on to something. 

“Hm. I’ll think about it. Thanks Kenma,” he said, sincerity dripping from his voice. “You’re unusually chatty today. Not that I’m complaining, but it’s really not like you.”

Kenma grumbled under his breath and sat back down. “Only because you seem out of it. So pull yourself together already.” 

“I know that!” 

Although a scowl was currently painted on Kenma’s face, a smile curled up Kuroo’s lips as he studied his best friend. It’s strange how he went from wandering around a mentally dark place to discussing his future in a locker room they shouldn’t even be occupying, with so many bustling teams just behind the door separating them from thousands of spectators. It wasn’t the right atmosphere for such a serious discussion and, if he was being honest with himself, a part of him would probably never have divulged any of it with anyone else. But being with Kenma had always set him at ease and made him forget his surroundings. He felt at home wherever he was, as long as Kenma was right there with him. 

And maybe it was precisely because they were alone together that he thought it was the right time to say, “Promise me you’ll lead Nekoma to Nationals again next year.” 

Kenma’s eyes cut over to his in an instant. “If you’re saying this because you want us to beat Karasuno—“ 

“No.” Kuroo shook his head. “I just want to be able to return to this stage, even if I’ll only be cheering from the sidelines. I’m hoping to look back fondly on this day and say, _‘This is my legacy, and I’m proud of it’_.” He rubbed his nose bashfully, a small blush dusting his cheeks from the confession. 

“You’re as dramatic as ever,” Kenma scoffed, and Kuroo tried not to feel offended. 

“Am not.”

“Are too.” 

“Am not.” 

“Are too, but I’ll try.” 

Kuroo sputtered and gaped in disbelief, as Kenma lifted his eyes to meet his. “This time next year, Nekoma will be standing on this stage again. You made me realize how fun volleyball is, so this is the least I can do.” 

Kuroo’s vision grew misty with tears. “Kenma,” he sobbed. “But wait, does this mean you’ll agree to be the next Captain?” 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” the shorter boy said tersely, “or I’ll take it back.” 

Kuroo made sure to clamp his mouth shut, but he couldn’t stop a small grin from escaping his pursed lips at witnessing Kenma’s growth, in the changes in him that’ll no doubt help the team develop further. 

He was certain Nekoma would be back to take the title of National Champions, with Kenma leading at the helm. He wouldn’t be a part of the team anymore, he’ll no longer be its Captain, but he’ll be there with them in spirit every step of the way. 

This, he vowed. 

**Author's Note:**

> My first KuroKen fic, written for Kuroo’s birthday! I’m not super confident I got the characterizations right, but it was fun to write KuroKen bickering like an old married couple. Reviews and comments are much appreciated! Thank you for reading <3 
> 
> Scream with me on [Twitter.](https://twitter.com/shikamarubase?s=21)


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